1 to 5 years old
Actually cannot remember much from this age, although ironically, the most unforgettable and life-changing thing happened during this period. All the memories I have of this age are only acquired through looking at photos and being told by others - so do they still count as memories?
Still, the things that have happened then (despite my inability to recall) have undeniably contributed to how my life has turned out.
5 to 10 years old
I think my character and personality started to show up more around this age, but my memories of this age window barely show up to me now. I do remember already starting to like boys at age 6/7 though... haha, that's one thing about me that still holds true now - I get attracted to someone easily, though not necessarily to the point of falling in love and etc. (It takes more courage than you know to make this known ok)
11 to 14 years old
This is basically the age at which I think I can just say anything I want, whenever I want, to anybody I want without considering the consequences. As a result, many friendships have been broken and many close friends lost... Uncountable number of conflicts over trivial things and much hatred over nothing... sigh
Absolutely necessary phase nevertheless, without which I think I never would have been able to realise my mistakes. Here's a sincere apology to all those I've hurt knowingly or unknowingly then - sorry.
Well, the easily attracted to guys trait still persists here and takes up an even bigger part of my life. Thanks a lot, puberty. I must say I must really have looked damn stupid to most people hahahaha.
In retrospect, I wished I'd had more sense in my head to be more sensitive towards others feelings because now I'm definitely getting a taste of that from the kids around this age... I CANNOT.
15 - 17 years old
My character starts to settle and mature a little bit more, although in the "I'm already grown up I know what's best for myself" way... which is basically what immature kids say when they think they are too mature for everything.
Experienced what it feels like to fall in love for the first time ever - sharing your dreams, deepest feelings, future plans, darkest fears... everything with someone. And without inhibitions because I guess this is the age at which you don't worry too much about the future yet, and it seems just about right a time to try getting into a relationship without getting overly serious. Well, that was what i thought at the start, but when the relationship started to mature, inevitably, things got serious. Not in a bad way though, it gave me a sense of security over what the future holds - and it is definitely nice since I've always feared the unknown and the unpredictability of the future.
Also, found many friends in school that I come to cherish very much today, and also lost many friends (trend continues...) due to conflicts caused by my flawed character. Once again, to everyone I've hurt - sorry.
18 to 20 years old (now)
Only now do I feel like I finally started to find myself - what I want, who I am, who my true friends are... It's almost as scary as it is enlightening. I found out the truth behind what was always a question mark in my life, found out how some things are never as they seem, found out how some friends are only temporary, found out how I dealt with different things and what consequences followed. Basically a lot of realisation and enlightening moments up till now.
I guess what I can conclude is that everything happens for a reason, and there's not much point in questioning that so much while also trying to direct yourself to the kind of life/result you are looking for. There is also no easy way out. For love, for work, for anything. The more you try to find the "easy way out", the more you will never grow and the more likely you will stagnate. Break out of that comfort zone and start doing things the right way.
I've also spent most of my life looking up to others and admiring/envying what they have and how much better their lives are. But at the end, it all boils down to your own life. It is your life that you're living and not anybody else's. So why spend the limited time in your life trying to make it more like somebody else's? Everyone has their own story to write, and if we were to all have the same plot, wouldn't it be plain and boring?
So to me, life isn't all just about studying, getting good grades, getting a great job, getting married to a great person, having children... Of course, they are still a big part of life, but not everything. There's something more to life, a point almost, in coming to live this life and be subject to all these circumstances - it would be pointless if there was simply no good reason why we are where we are and who we are, wouldn't it?
Hence, in this journey, I'm thankful for every single one who has been a part of it. It has been a helluva ride.
Love,
Bel
